A Trail of Goodness: Bob Starkes Story

Words by Andrew Williams

“That sounds great,” Bob Starkes remembers about his introduction to meal delivery. “If I ever get to retirement, that's what I'm going to do.”

After retiring from Air Canada, Bob's father enlisted a colleague's help to support their local meal delivery provider in Newfoundland, a district in Saskatchewan of Eastern Canada. Bob’s father didn’t know it then, but his decision would shape his son’s future. 

We often wonder if nature or nurture makes us who we are. Ask Bob, a man of deep religious faith, and he’ll acknowledge that his father’s example of selflessness was a formative moment. This moment rooted in him the belief that helping others is one of our purposes—if not our greatest calling. “[I believe] we're here on this Earth to look after each other,” Bob asserts, as his guiding principle. His more than 23 years as a volunteer with Meals on Wheels of Wake County in Raleigh, North Carolina, more than 1,500 miles southwest of his hometown, are simply him living out this truth.

CAREER CHANGE

In 1979, Bob, an electrical engineer for Nortel Networks, a Canadian-based telecommunications company, relocated to Raleigh after stopovers in Nova Scotia and Ottawa. In 1999, he was forced into early retirement and decided to change his career. 

As an engineer, he’s wired to follow his gut instincts. His instincts and faith told him somebody needed his time and talent elsewhere in the community. That elsewhere led him to an opportunity to follow in his father’s footsteps. After Nortel, he began an 11-year career with the United Way of the Greater Triangle, a charitable organization that oversees 95 member organizations, including Meals on Wheels of Wake County. “That's when my eyes opened to what's going on in the community and what was not going on,” Bob recalls. 

Bob believed—and still feels—that not enough people were dedicating their time and resources to supporting the vulnerable in their community. “People are so quick to donate money and time for major disasters around the world,’ Bob says. “Yet, nobody realizes that every day there's a disaster in the community, whether it's hunger, homelessness, financial insecurity or something else.”

Bob longed to build a legacy of change beyond his nine-to-five duties as a United Way employee—to give back in a manner worthy of his father’s legacy. In 2000, from the first time he delivered a meal, Bob knew the food he provided to homebound seniors fulfilled more than a critical need; it created a lifeline for individuals who felt disconnected.  “Whenever I deliver a meal, I can't describe the special feeling I get when I know I've delivered food to somebody and they need it,” Bob says. “It just inspires me to do more.”

The beautiful simplicity of finding fellowship through food is part of what keeps Bob involved. “I get joy out of interacting with people, be it Meals on Wheels or in any other volunteer activity—having people get excited to tell me what they've been doing over the past week [is meaningful],” Bob says. He's learned that “time given” is as valuable to the seniors as the meals he delivers.

TIME SPENT

Bob, now a 79-year-old retiree, has said goodbye to many seniors. Yet he focuses less on what he has lost and more on the opportunity to have been a meaningful part of their lives. Bob is proud to be a light in the darkness. He engages in simple acts that make time stand still, even for an hour, to ensure that a lonely senior is seen, heard, and loved.

“On my route, sometimes I'm the only person someone sees [all day], so I stay with them as long as they want me to stay,” Bob says. Bob vividly describes nurturing a relationship with a retired state trooper and his wife along his route, which only deepened after her passing. Long talks with the 90-year-old widower blossomed into a close relationship with the couple’s three children and an eternal bond with the family. “[After his passing], the family told me how much it meant to them for me to have this extended visit with their father—and their mother in earlier years,” Bob says.

And it’s not just the large gestures that go above and beyond the call of duty as a volunteer that endear him to seniors and their families; It’s also the tiny kindnesses like his weekly adventure to the local Dollar Tree with a homebound senior. And then there’s Bob’s wife, Betty Ann, and her homemade pumpkin bread.

For six years, Bob and Betty Ann worked their route together. When a fall tore tendons in both her knees, she was determined to continue contributing to Meals on Wheels. She turned to baking. Bob keeps track of all the birthdays on his route. Betty Ann celebrates each birthday with a freshly baked batch of pumpkin bread that he delivers alongside a warm meal. She molds flour, eggs, sugar, vanilla extract, cinnamon, nutmeg and pumpkin puree into comfort, joy, and deep affection. Birthdays mark our precious, limited time on earth. Making a homebound senior feel special at that moment is faithful to Bob’s guiding principle. For Bob and Betty Ann, giving back to the community through Meals on Wheels is a ritual he refuses to give up even though they both are facing health challenges.

“If you want a good feeling, do this,” Bob says. “You can get involved with many other charitable activities, but this is the most basic one, giving food to somebody I've ever done. That's why I've kept it going. Because of my illness and my wife's illness, I’ve had to cut back on an enormous number of things, but Meals on Wheels is sacred. I still [volunteer] on Monday mornings; I cannot give it up because I'm so mentally and emotionally involved.”